"Dude, I don't know, but I think I need closure... The only problem is how?"
My friend's statement caused a slight intake of breath from me. It felt a lot like an echo of the sentiment I kept from my own experiences around five years ago. "Trust me. You do need closure. It wouldn't do you good to be kept hanging and without a proper..." A proper what? Break-up? There wasn't even a relationship to begin with. "...ending."
Yes. that's right. Just like any story, things in life deserve a proper ending.
--
After that night filled with whispered secrets, shared laughter, problems, and experiences of a side of each other's life my friend and I were basically strangers in after months, maybe even years of actually talking, this particular conversation struck me.
She and I, in our own different ways, have been in relationships that were not romantic relationships per se, but involved a bunch of emotion and attraction between the two parties. We both face (in my case, faced) the same dilemma of wanting to experience a proper goodbye without knowing how to. Because, let's face it, he wasn't really a boyfriend. So there couldn't have been a break-up and a chance to tie loose ends, right?
Wrong. There might have been no need for a break-up, but tying loose ends is essential in any relationship that needs to end (whether badly or for the good of all involved). This would have prevented the emotional toll it would cause either or both parties.
In my case, if only we had closure, I would not have spent the last four years asking myself what happened or what did I do wrong. It might have saved me from the sleepless nights spent thinking of alternate endings, might have beens, could have beens, should have beens... Things that kept me speculating and pining over unknown circumstances.
I'm pretty sure I'm over him. I've proven it myself when he was right in my face (my heart might have skipped a beat, though that's because I was really surprised, or so I tell myself). But I wish I was saved from all those years filled with emotional rollercoasters over a relationship that did not exist.
Most especially, I'd like to save my friend from being kept tethered to a person - or rather a situation, some point in her life where she got stuck - because of baggage too hard for her to carry. I wouldn't want her to get stuck over something that deserves to be seen more of as a learning experience (something to remember, but not kept to be lingered on) than a mistake.
Getting stranded in the land of might-have-been is really hard. I've been down that road more than once in the last few years. I wouldn't want to be back, nor would I want anybody to stay there for long.
Closure isn't just for boyfriends and girlfriends experiencing a break-up. Even almost-relationships or friendships need closure too. When emotions are involved, a proper goodbye has to be said to avoid keeping one party hanging, waiting for the other to come back or still needing answers to questions unasked.
But that doesn't mean it's The End, it could just mean turning the page for the next chapter.
Lots of Love,
J<3
