It has been exactly one year, 10 hours, 30 minutes, and 17 seconds since that day happened. The moment when we heard the two words we've both been expecting and dreading to hear. The phone rang, and that moment, I knew. I knew you were gone.
For every day that have passed, it has been easier to live a life without you in it. I realize that I can now look at your framed picture in the living room and not cry or feel sad. Life has, in a way, seemed normal. I now live everyday, like any normal 20 year old in college. But for 19 years, my definition of normal was different. Because for 19 years, 11 months, and 15 days, my life had you in it.
I know it's been one year, 10 hours, 34 minutes, and 11 seconds, but there are just times when I remember. I remember how we had to celebrate Christmas without you and how you missed seeing me come up the stage, receive my diploma, and be awarded with a medal. I remember that today, just like any other day since last year, I couldn't hug you anymore or kiss you, hear you laugh or see you smile. And I can't help but think that I would give anything just to spend 5 more minutes with you just to tell you how much I love you.
I wish I spent more time listening to your stories. I wish I visited you more often, kissed you more, hugged you more. There are so many things I wish I could have told you and shared with you. There are still so many things I wish we could still do together in the future. But there's nothing more I wish the most than to go back in time one year and a day just to tell myself to treasure every moment I had with you. Because 19 year old me is lucky to still have you.
It has been one year, 10 hours, 40 minutes, and 38 seconds, but I still miss you.
Love always,
J<3
