Memories

Hey again! In case you're wondering why my posts are less than two hours apart, it's 'cause I've been in school since 7am (even if I knew my class doesn't start 'til 9am). Then suddenly, I found out that same class was moved to 10:30 am. And just now, that same class still, is cancelled (that may seem fun but it's not if you've been in school for almost four hours and it's been happening for four weeks now). Just to make things worse, my friends all decided to do something else before our 1:30 class (two went home, one won't be coming to that 1:30 class and is out with someone, and the other is still at home). So I guess off to the library for me...again.

Anyway, that's not really part of this post.

To begin things, I would like to ask you a question: "How do you really say you've stopped liking (liking /ˈlaɪ kɪŋ/ v. thinking of the person constantly; admiring the person. Synonym: crushing) someone?"

If you've read my previous post Why do girls watch drama?, you know that I haven't had a real crush before. And being an NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth), crushing is as far as it gets.

As far as I could remember, I've had probably five crushes that I could consider real. And each time, one crush ends when the other begins (or when we stop being classmates). But right now, I don't think that's the case. Or is it?

This time, it's a bit complicated (probably 'cause I'm older?). The last two people I used to like still would creep in on me sometimes (and the last time I've seen one of them is four months, the other sixteen).

I used to dream about them (sometimes separately, sometimes together - which is weird 'cause they've never met IRL). And when the dreams end, I remember them for a day or two, then they're back into the recesses of my subconscious. If you ask me if I like anyone during the normal days (normal days /ˈnɔr məl deɪz/ n. days when I don't dream of them or haven't dream't of them recently), I'll say nobody. If I see a post about liking somebody, no one pops into my mind.

It's like during normal circumstances, they're just part of my past, but when something triggers a memory, pictures of them just floods my mind. Like this morning, my uniform's collar was all messed up. As I was fixing it, I remember the time when one of them fixed my messy collar out of the blue. And the other day, when I was watching something on TV and the lead actors did something similar from what me and the other dude used too do, I would remember him as well.

The weirdest part: if you examine everything, it would seem that I still like the both of them at the same time. So what's happening to me?

I don't really know if my answer's correct, but I think I don't like them both anymore (or if I ever loved them, I don't love them that way anymore). It's just that I love the memories we had. They were good times and fun times. And maybe I just can't let go of them just yet. I remember my friend once told me that sometimes you really don't like the person anymore. It's the memories you had that you hold onto and not him. It's just that you got so used to telling everyone (including yourself) that he's the guy you like, that now that the feelings are gone, you get confused. I guess I'll find out in time (or maybe when I start liking someone else :P).

Lots of Love,

J<3